Archive for the ‘Courage’ Category

Greetings, blogging world.  I hope this finds you well.

This is a big day for me.  As I mentioned in my About Me page, I am a bit of a dreamer and aspirer.  One of my aspirations, is to become a writer.  This blog is a first step in that direction, a step that is long overdue.  You see, in order to write anything, one must have skill, of course, but also courage and belief in oneself.  If we are honest, I think many of us could agree that doubt and fear come a little more naturally as it certainly does to me.  Regarding writing, I’ve been resting in the familiarity of said doubt and fear, choosing not to take a chance…until now.

Though I have little desire to climb rocks, snowshoe in Antarctica, or whitewater raft, I actually have a rather adventurous heart.  My adventurous desires are for experiencing new places, meeting new people, and trying new things.  However, I often yield to fear, which is what I consider to be the greatest enemy of dreaming and adventurous undertakings.  As I’ve discovered, through a series of God-led wonderings, there have been two types of fear with particular influence in my life.  I found this understanding to be quite revolutionary and hopefully, you will too.  The fears I am most prone to are as follows:

1.  The Fear of Failure.  No one can argue that this is the most common.  Failure is an unavoidable possibility in any undertaking.  A  friend once sat on a swing and hilariously fell right through.  The swing failed to do what it appeared to promise.  There was no way to know that, at that very moment, the chain had reached its maximum rust capacity and would’ve come undone by the weight of a paperback book.  A silly example–maybe–but it rings true.  The possibility of failure is a ferociously daunting and all-too-often crippling reality that we all have to face when taking a first step towards something.

2.  The Fear of Relinquishing the Fantasy.  This may not seem related to fear, but it very much is.  It is quite related to the blanket fear of failure.  This was the hardest for me to conquer.  It’s something I’m still working on.  Since I was a young child, I’ve been a dreamer.  In the last quarter-century, I’ve dreamt of being a singer, illustration artist, ballerina, architect (the necessary math shot that one down,) English teacher, psychologist, and of course, a writer.  I’ve let my imagination run free and uninhibited within me about what it would look like to do these things.  These are the fantasies which can be based on  memory or pure imagination.

To actually try to pursue a dream or idea results in an unavoidable trade.  We are met at the gate leading to the first step with this proposition.  Going through the gate means giving up the fantasy we’ve cherished in exchange for reality.  What was once a perfect imagined scenario is now under the scrutiny of the light of reality.  Perfection is shattered.

For example, I love to sing.  I suppose I have some skill as my past would display with awards, successful auditions, etc.  However, this is all in the past.  I haven’t sung much in the last three years.  I’ve often thought of auditioning for the band at church but I’ve yet to do so.  Why?  Because I have a beautiful memory of how good I was which fuels a fantasy of how I could be.  To actually audition for the band would mean immediate surrender of my precious fantasy in exchange for the possibility of an unsuccessful audition.  That’s frightening to me!  After all, isn’t safer to be comforted by a perfect dream than it is to be confronted by reality?

So, I wonder, how do we conquer this?  What does it take to make the trade at the gate?  To be completely honest, this is something I’m still finding.  I can tell you that a form of gumption is most necessary, but it’s something more than this.  It takes faith.  Faith in yourself is often a vehicle which can only carry you so far, as I’ve found out.  Truthfully, it’s been my faith in God and His care, provision, and protection over every part of me (including the hopes for myself) that have driven me to make the exchange and open the gate.  This blog is my very first step towards writing.  I’m trusting in God to inspire me (it was He who first inspired me), believe in me, and make a way if He wants to.  It’s in His hands, not mine.  And that makes it tremendously easier to relinquish the fantasy in hopes of a more wonderful reality.

This concludes my very first blog entry.  Please check out my About Me and About the Blog pages and thanks a heap for stopping by!


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