Archive for August, 2012

The Wonder of Worship

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him.

Psalm 62:1 

In recent weeks, I have come to understand this in a beautiful new way.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am one of the fortunate bearers of an anxiety disorder.  As such, I suffer from panic attacks at times, especially when under great stress.  There are outward physical symptoms as well as a raging tempest of emotions and relentless thoughts.  When this happens, all I can do is to remain calm and wait them out.  The way that I do this, most often, is by turning to God in prayer.

Something happened to me a few weeks ago though.  In the midst of a horrible week at work (the kind that makes you want to write “PEACE OUT” on your neon sticky notes which you plan to hurl into your boss’s office in a run-by resignation,) I experienced quite a few of these.  On one particular day, I found myself in the midst of an extra aggressive attack.  The tears broke past the work-appropriate dam, my heart raced, and unyielding thoughts swirled about my mind like an unseen typhoon.  I turned to the Lord and began to pray, over and over, for Him to comfort my mind and still my heart.  Though there was comfort in turning to Him as always, the tears continued to flow and the storm raged on.  Eventually, I fled from my cubicle to the sanctity of the bathroom (the only semi-alone spot in my office) to breathe and cry a bit more freely.

As I hid there, I prayed a different prayer.  I leveled with God, as I often do.  I said something ineloquently to the effect of, “Okay, God.  This is ridiculous and I’m sick of it.  I need a way to find peace while it’s happening.  HELP.”  After somewhat gathering my composure, I returned to my desk and melted into my ergonomic chair.

Just then, God interrupted the chaos to stir something in my heart.  A speck of bravery combined with a greater measure of desperation to cause me to fall into the song drifting through my headphones.  Most workdays, my music is white noise.  However, this particular song opened its arms to me offering a refuge within.  As the revamped hymn took hold, I found myself lifting my heart in pure, honest, and fairly undistracted worship.  All of a sudden, I realized that, though my circumstances remained the same and my mind still full, a wave of peace was descending on me.

Immediately I knew that God was answering my honest prayer.  It was as if I was caught in a literal storm and, in worshiping this way, I found a shelter from the squall.  I pondered further.  My main question was this: “What’s the difference between the time before the restroom prayer and the time after?”  God, as always, has been faithful to answer this over the last weeks and I’m excited to share more about it…next time.


Read Full Post »